2nd trimester

Finally 3 months along on the 2nd pregnancy. The first trimester really sucked!!! I was nausead all the time and that made everything else so much harder and miserable. Justin and I fought more because I was more hormonal and sick.
Today I was finally able to cook beef for the first time in many months. The smell didn't bug me, and I ate a bunch of food. And I was able to take my prenatal pills. I am so happy today just for those little reasons. Enjoying cooking a real meal for my family again. I made homemade lasagna, garlic buttered bread, and salad. A very yummy meal. Anyways, just had to express my gratitude for finally feeling like a real person again. Well still feel pregnant, as I have the belly and am still quite emotional. But hey, that's pregnancy for me. LOL :) Much better than throwing up all the time.
Good luck me!

another month

And now it is fall. The summer flew by and I wish it was still here. Ryan has grown up way too much in the past few months. A couple weeks ago he learned how to climb or jump out of his crib, how to open all doors, and how to get out of his car seat. Insane learnings of a 2 year old. It is crazy how much it made me worry then. And now not even a month later, I am so not worried about so much. Just him sneaking out of the house if I don't deadbolt the doors. He now has a toddler bed that looks like a fire truck. He loves to jump on it and now sleeps very well in it. If Justin wasn't here to keep him straight through these transitioning times of baby to toddler, I wouldn't be able to do this. I feel like a horrible mother when I have to discipline him. Don't want to do it out of anger and don't want to do it too much or too hard. Know what I mean or am I just a worried mother? Oh well, things are going well. I am doing more baking/cooking. Fun stuff. I love it way too much. Tonight spent a few hours making a really really great meal. Replica of Olive Garden salad, breaksticks and Fetticine Alfredo. Yummy!!! Can still taste it. It takes too long and too many dishes to make all of it so I don't do it too often. But I made the breadsticks last night so had to make the rest today so it would all fit together. Anyways, so Ryan is almost 2. Thinking about an airplane themed birhtday party. He is very into them now. Loved going to the air show and seeing all the airplanes. Goodnight!!! Will talk to ya'll later!!
A cute pic of Ryan at the airshow. He now is very into airplanes. Loves searching for them in the sky.

Daycare adventure

Yesterday was an eventful day for Ryan at daycare. He started going to a new home a little less than a month ago. He enjoys playing with the kids there and has become more mild. But yesterday he decided to try something new. He had been napping and Charity went to check on him after the nap had lasted a little longer than usual. There Ryan was, sitting in the crib. He had taken off his pants, and his diaper. And he decided to use the poop in the diaper to draw with. I cannot imagine the reaction of Charity, because I can't imagine what I would have done. This is one of those stories that may come back to haunt Ryan when he is older :) Nah, I wouldn't be that mean, would I? Just had to post a message so I remember what happened and when. :)

okie dokie

So Ryan is growing up and all. My eight weeks maternity leave is almost up. Need to find a decent caregiver to watch my newborn for 9 hours a day and pretty much raise him. My first choice is full and unable to take him, so I ask another woman at church. She is wonderful and is able to take him. We actually become pretty good friends through her watching him. This only lasted a month as she got pregnant and was bedridden through a tough pregnancy.
Anyways, so the beginning of December, I leave my new baby with this woman and start breastpumping at work. Never realized how cold the bathroom was until I had to whip out the boob and try to get milk out of it. WOW!!! I am an emotional mess and calling daycare at least twice a day checking in on him. Feel like such a failure having to have someone else raise my kid. :( Still struggling with that feeling every single day I work. The days I have off and am with him all hours, I love it. Need more structure on those days, but we have fun anyways. Running around the house and playing all over. It is great.
Somehow I managed to deal with the crazy emotions. Though I guess crying every day multiple times isn't "managing to deal". I was insane!!! Everyone knew I wanted to be home. We even tried me working part time. But the money didn't work that way. Still too many bills. Hate bills, hate money. It is all horrible the way money makes you live your life.
Anyways, so Ryan was in daycare. He did well. Loved it, loved the kids he was around. And Sandra watched him from 3 months old to 21 months old. And now at 22 months we had to find another person to watch him. So yet another experience for him on Monday. Not only a schedule change, but new people, new environment. I feel bad for putting him through these things. Wish I could explain to him in 2 year old terms. Here is me going off to bed wondering how his first day at a new home daycare will be. :)

After the birth

Alright, we are done with the pregnancy and birth. Nobody warned me that wasn't the hardest part sometimes. Nope, not talking about the not sleeping. Ryan was perfect. He slept through the night when he was less than 2 weeks old. He was hardly fussy ever. Nothing to complain about at all. Guess that is why I want so many more kids. :)
Had a hard time feeding him. Noone really discusses breastfeeding a lot, other than if you will or won't, before the baby comes. But let me tell you, that is something I should have studied hard. Because me and Ryan did not really get it. Whether it was me or him, we won't ever know. But we didn't come to realize that he wasn't getting enough milk until he was like 2 or 3 weeks old and was still losing weight. He had just been seeing the midwives with me. But we took him to the doctor at that time and started feeding him formula. Then he finally started to gain weight and look healthy and normal like a plump baby. I felt like the most horrible mother in the world. Not able to feed my own child the way I had always thought it all would go. We ended up spending money that we did not budget for formula, not in the plan. Not only did we have the birth bills but for the next year, having to buy formula and feed him from a bottle did not make me happy. I wanted the bonding of breastfeeding and cried so much over the loss of it. They tell me I may be able to feed my next one, but I doubt it. We will try again. But I will not go through everything I did with Ryan. For weeks I went on with breast infection one after another. My sixth one I ended up having to get a shot of antibiotics because the pills I had already taken and my body had become somewhat immune. There weren't very many people to talk to about this. I mean such a personal thing, who do you want to share that with. Especially the fact that you feel like a failure as a mom. I didn't want anyone to know that. But keeping it in, I made myself miserable. I don't remember how I got it all out. Maybe it was just time, or family. But Ryan is healthy and everything went great. I am happy that he is such a smart and strong boy. I love him and wouldn't change anything about him. And I do not feel like a failure at all anymore. I am an awesome mom. Who definitly needs more patience with each day. :) TTFN

The day of Sept 25 2004

The day began around 2am. I woke up with leg cramps and then began contractions. I had already had a false labor a couple weeks before (around the actual due date) so I wasn't getting my hopes up. This was a Saturday, so no work for Justin today. :) So I didn't feel bad about keeping him awake with me. I was 13 days overdue at this point and completely ready to pop.
We arranged to have the baby at home with our midwives and my sister helping. If I was 2 weeks overdue I would have to be induced at the hospital, which would be double the cost. We did not want that at all. So I took all the natural ways to induce the labor. The one trick that worked for me....castor oil. Make it your last resort. Only if you must. It was horrible. But within 24 hours Ryan was born.
So having contractions. They were still pretty far apart, so we watched Friends all night in the living room while Justin helped me through each contraction. Around 530 or 6 we called Kristine, the midwife. She came over to check me and I was at I think a 4 or 5. So she decided to go down the street for some coffee. It had been less than 30 minutes when she returned and I was at 10 and ready to push. Justin had filled the tub with water and the other midwives and my sister were arriving. I got into the water and pushed for what seemed like eternity. Outside it started to snow. A new record for Anchorage. The earliest snowfall. This is what Ryan was waiting for. A BIG DAY!!! After over 4 hours of pushing. The crazy fellow decided it was time. I am so thankful he did. I was given a little bit of oxygen and felt good but doggone tired. As any new mother feels tired and out of it.
A wonderful day to remember. I never yelled or was upset at all. I said thank you and please through out the whole labor. Everyone was in shock of how I handled myself and how nice I was. I surprised myself. Not that I expected to be mean, but to be nice, that was a bit out of my expectations. :)
So, my baby Ryan was weighed a couple hours later at 8 lbs 12 oz. Big boy. Hope the rest of the kids aren't going to get too much bigger. Anyhow, as he reaches his 2nd birthday I may catch up in his life. Goodnight!!!

hurry

Okay, I am in a hurry but I have long forgotten to write in here. My baby is over a year old now and I am not even to his birth. Which was an unforgetable and memorable time. I could not have asked for a better labor and delivery. but we will get to that later as I am off to bed. Just a little note here to remind myself to keep writing in it.