After the birth

Alright, we are done with the pregnancy and birth. Nobody warned me that wasn't the hardest part sometimes. Nope, not talking about the not sleeping. Ryan was perfect. He slept through the night when he was less than 2 weeks old. He was hardly fussy ever. Nothing to complain about at all. Guess that is why I want so many more kids. :)
Had a hard time feeding him. Noone really discusses breastfeeding a lot, other than if you will or won't, before the baby comes. But let me tell you, that is something I should have studied hard. Because me and Ryan did not really get it. Whether it was me or him, we won't ever know. But we didn't come to realize that he wasn't getting enough milk until he was like 2 or 3 weeks old and was still losing weight. He had just been seeing the midwives with me. But we took him to the doctor at that time and started feeding him formula. Then he finally started to gain weight and look healthy and normal like a plump baby. I felt like the most horrible mother in the world. Not able to feed my own child the way I had always thought it all would go. We ended up spending money that we did not budget for formula, not in the plan. Not only did we have the birth bills but for the next year, having to buy formula and feed him from a bottle did not make me happy. I wanted the bonding of breastfeeding and cried so much over the loss of it. They tell me I may be able to feed my next one, but I doubt it. We will try again. But I will not go through everything I did with Ryan. For weeks I went on with breast infection one after another. My sixth one I ended up having to get a shot of antibiotics because the pills I had already taken and my body had become somewhat immune. There weren't very many people to talk to about this. I mean such a personal thing, who do you want to share that with. Especially the fact that you feel like a failure as a mom. I didn't want anyone to know that. But keeping it in, I made myself miserable. I don't remember how I got it all out. Maybe it was just time, or family. But Ryan is healthy and everything went great. I am happy that he is such a smart and strong boy. I love him and wouldn't change anything about him. And I do not feel like a failure at all anymore. I am an awesome mom. Who definitly needs more patience with each day. :) TTFN