After the birth

Alright, we are done with the pregnancy and birth. Nobody warned me that wasn't the hardest part sometimes. Nope, not talking about the not sleeping. Ryan was perfect. He slept through the night when he was less than 2 weeks old. He was hardly fussy ever. Nothing to complain about at all. Guess that is why I want so many more kids. :)
Had a hard time feeding him. Noone really discusses breastfeeding a lot, other than if you will or won't, before the baby comes. But let me tell you, that is something I should have studied hard. Because me and Ryan did not really get it. Whether it was me or him, we won't ever know. But we didn't come to realize that he wasn't getting enough milk until he was like 2 or 3 weeks old and was still losing weight. He had just been seeing the midwives with me. But we took him to the doctor at that time and started feeding him formula. Then he finally started to gain weight and look healthy and normal like a plump baby. I felt like the most horrible mother in the world. Not able to feed my own child the way I had always thought it all would go. We ended up spending money that we did not budget for formula, not in the plan. Not only did we have the birth bills but for the next year, having to buy formula and feed him from a bottle did not make me happy. I wanted the bonding of breastfeeding and cried so much over the loss of it. They tell me I may be able to feed my next one, but I doubt it. We will try again. But I will not go through everything I did with Ryan. For weeks I went on with breast infection one after another. My sixth one I ended up having to get a shot of antibiotics because the pills I had already taken and my body had become somewhat immune. There weren't very many people to talk to about this. I mean such a personal thing, who do you want to share that with. Especially the fact that you feel like a failure as a mom. I didn't want anyone to know that. But keeping it in, I made myself miserable. I don't remember how I got it all out. Maybe it was just time, or family. But Ryan is healthy and everything went great. I am happy that he is such a smart and strong boy. I love him and wouldn't change anything about him. And I do not feel like a failure at all anymore. I am an awesome mom. Who definitly needs more patience with each day. :) TTFN

The day of Sept 25 2004

The day began around 2am. I woke up with leg cramps and then began contractions. I had already had a false labor a couple weeks before (around the actual due date) so I wasn't getting my hopes up. This was a Saturday, so no work for Justin today. :) So I didn't feel bad about keeping him awake with me. I was 13 days overdue at this point and completely ready to pop.
We arranged to have the baby at home with our midwives and my sister helping. If I was 2 weeks overdue I would have to be induced at the hospital, which would be double the cost. We did not want that at all. So I took all the natural ways to induce the labor. The one trick that worked for me....castor oil. Make it your last resort. Only if you must. It was horrible. But within 24 hours Ryan was born.
So having contractions. They were still pretty far apart, so we watched Friends all night in the living room while Justin helped me through each contraction. Around 530 or 6 we called Kristine, the midwife. She came over to check me and I was at I think a 4 or 5. So she decided to go down the street for some coffee. It had been less than 30 minutes when she returned and I was at 10 and ready to push. Justin had filled the tub with water and the other midwives and my sister were arriving. I got into the water and pushed for what seemed like eternity. Outside it started to snow. A new record for Anchorage. The earliest snowfall. This is what Ryan was waiting for. A BIG DAY!!! After over 4 hours of pushing. The crazy fellow decided it was time. I am so thankful he did. I was given a little bit of oxygen and felt good but doggone tired. As any new mother feels tired and out of it.
A wonderful day to remember. I never yelled or was upset at all. I said thank you and please through out the whole labor. Everyone was in shock of how I handled myself and how nice I was. I surprised myself. Not that I expected to be mean, but to be nice, that was a bit out of my expectations. :)
So, my baby Ryan was weighed a couple hours later at 8 lbs 12 oz. Big boy. Hope the rest of the kids aren't going to get too much bigger. Anyhow, as he reaches his 2nd birthday I may catch up in his life. Goodnight!!!